On 24 September, I will mark six decades on this planet. That means that so far, including the day I was born, there have been sixty number ones on my birthday. Over the next couple months, I shall be counting down a list of those number ones, starting with the worst and making my way up to the best. That, of course, means that I will be starting with songs that I consider to be utterly dreadful before progressing via the mediocre and the fairly good up to some great songs at the very top.

 

In order to put them into some sort of order, I first gave each of them a mark from one to five before ranking them in each of those five groups. I then checked those at the top and bottom of each batch just to see whether any songs needed to move up or down. I have ranked them using a vague combination of what I think of them now and what I thought at the time (apart, obviously, from those in the first few years of my life that passed me by at the time). That means some are ranked higher than they might be purely for sentimental reasons.

 

Two British bands and one American singer have two songs in the list. One person is in the list both as a member of a band and as a solo artist while another makes it as a solo artist and as a featured artist.

 

My 61st birthday number one - the one that will be number one the day I turn 60 - will be known nearly a week before my birthday, on Friday 18 September. Unless it is really excellent, I will be able to say where it would have been placed straight away.

 

I should add that I have Andy at Haven to thank for this as his 50 birthday number ones thread earlier this year inspired me to do my own version.

 

So, let’s start with the one-pointers. Which of the sixty number ones has been selected as the worst of the worst? The answer to that question will be posted shortly.

 

Looking forward to this! ^_^

OK, here goes. There are some songs which I have absolutely loathed from the first time I heard them. I’m referring specifically to songs where my hatred of them can be considered almost irrational rather than songs which seem to have been designed to irritate millions while appealing to enough people to make them a hit.

 

One of these is Lady Marmalade (all versions) while another was number one on my birthday in 1989. Viewers of the Top of the Pops repeats on BBC4 will just have endured the period when Italian outfit Black Box topped the chart with the diabolical Ride On Time, screeches and all. It managed the remarkable feat of making the song it replaced, Jive Bunny’s Swing The Mood, seem positively brilliant.

 

The chart was announced on my birthday that year so I was left hoping that it might be replaced only to see my hopes dashed when it got its fifth week (of an eventual six) at the top. There were at least 35 (if not 39) better songs in the top forty that week. Among the best were Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus, Kate Bush’s The Sensual World and The Wonder Stuff’s Don’t Let Me Down Gently.

 

Black Box’s reign of terror was ended by the immediate return of Jive Bunny. That’s What I Like was the second of Jive Bunny’s three successive number ones in the second half of 1989 meaning the cartoon rabbit became only the third act (and the first not from Liverpool) to hit number one with their first three singles.

 

The song title was, apparently, a mistake. According to Black Box’s keyboard player they misheard the words used in the sample (originally sung by Loletta Holloway) as RIde On Time rather than Right On Time. By the time they realised their mistake, they decided to stick with their version. Because of a dispute over the rights, the Holloway vocal was re-recorded by a session musician. Rumours that it was Heather Small have never been confirmed or denied.

 

I know what you mean. I couldn't stand the shouty vocals on this when it was out. Time has been kind to it and I don't mind it so much now. I sat through the whole song on the six or more times it was shown on the TOTP repeats recently. I always record the programme to watch later on so I do have the option to fast forward through any song but I didn't give in to that temptation.

Well oops, I love Ride on Time :ph34r: It's shouty yeah, but the vocals are so easy to sing along too and the beat is so good that it just really works for me. 1989 did seem like a pretty terrible year for number 1s though.

I thought ROT (what an appropriate acronym) might be a controversial choice for last place :P

Totally agree with you Suedy about Ride On Time. Just awful. Did like the 3 Jive Bunny No.1's though.

Look forward to this Simon, and I expect to agree and disagree :)

 

Happy 60th in advance! Mine was cancelled due to parent medical problems that kept me at home a month. So it was celebrated in February instead. I think I might move it back every year till I get a summer birthday :lol:

 

Well, I'm in the "I love Ride On Time" camp, it's aim was to get you on the dancefloor, and it succeeds big time for me on that basis. Black Box have dubious morals though, so I can agree last place on that basis (they nicked Loleatta's vocals, had a model mime to it, and the re-recorded version has none of the spark of the original, it plods). :lol:

 

My personal chart-topper on your birthday that month was Sowing The Seeds Of Love, Tears For Fears Beatles-ish singalong, and that week I was whale-watching off Cape Cod, walking the historical sites of Boston, living in the Plymouth historical past (Massachussets that is) on a mock-up recreation with actors...and getting stuck at Logan Airport for 24 hours as we got bumped from our flight and the next flight developed mechanical problems and had to fly equipment in from Canada, or somewhere far away. Coming back to the UK jetlagged and pissed off, Ride On Time fitted my mood more than Jive Bunny did :lol:

Ride On Time is great! I still listen to it now :o

I used to find 'Ride On Time' quite grating when I was younger but it grew on me over the years!

Look forward to this Simon, and I expect to agree and disagree :)

 

Happy 60th in advance! Mine was cancelled due to parent medical problems that kept me at home a month. So it was celebrated in February instead. I think I might move it back every year till I get a summer birthday :lol:

 

Well, I'm in the "I love Ride On Time" camp, it's aim was to get you on the dancefloor, and it succeeds big time for me on that basis. Black Box have dubious morals though, so I can agree last place on that basis (they nicked Loleatta's vocals, had a model mime to it, and the re-recorded version has none of the spark of the original, it plods). :lol:

 

My personal chart-topper on your birthday that month was Sowing The Seeds Of Love, Tears For Fears Beatles-ish singalong, and that week I was whale-watching off Cape Cod, walking the historical sites of Boston, living in the Plymouth historical past (Massachussets that is) on a mock-up recreation with actors...and getting stuck at Logan Airport for 24 hours as we got bumped from our flight and the next flight developed mechanical problems and had to fly equipment in from Canada, or somewhere far away. Coming back to the UK jetlagged and pissed off, Ride On Time fitted my mood more than Jive Bunny did :lol:

If I had compiled a chart at the time, Sowing The Seeds Of Love would have been it it, probably in the top ten. Ride On Time, obviously, wouldn't :lol:

Ride On Time is one of my fave songs of the 80s and definitely my fave of that year 🙊 the shouty vocal just works on it for me.

 

I seem to recall most of the number ones of that year were rather bad though from when I did ultimate 80s number ones in the chart forum many years back.

I also like the shouty vocals on this :D Great dance song

What, then, is the song judged to be not quite as awful as Ride On Time? I suspect there won’t be quite so many people horrified by the lowly position of the next piece of rubbish.

 

Remember what I said about songs that are almost designed to be irritating to millions? Well, following on from Jive Bunny’s piece of chart history, there is another at number 59. On 11 September 1994, Radio 1 were able to announce a new number one for the first time since May. Yes, Wet Wet Wet’s fifteen-week run at the top finally came to an end. The bad news is that it was replaced by Whigfield’s Saturday Night making the Dane the first solo female artist to go straight to number one with her first single. After all that time thinking anything had to be better than yet another week of Love Is All Around, Whigfield actually left some of us wishing Wet Wet Wet’s run could have continued. The song had been in the lower reaches of the chart based on import copies but it only got to number 79 so the official release is still generally regarded as a new entry.

 

Saturday Night is the sort of tripe that usually gets short shrift but, just occasionally, one of them breaks through and becomes a big hit. Unfortunately, this one happened just in time for my 34th birthday. By then it was in its second of four weeks at the top, a run ended by Take That’s fifth number one Sure. Within the next year Whigfield had two further top ten hits but they have both been deservedly forgotten. If only the same could be said of Saturday Night.

 

It should, of course, be mentioned that the Suede song Saturday Night shares only a title with Whigfield’s execrable racket. By a happy coincidence, Suede had a new entry at number eighteen in my birthday chart with We Are The Pigs. Also in the chart that week were Blur’s Parklife and a re-issue of Blondie’s Atomic. On its original release Atomic was one of Blondie’s six number ones. Unfortunately, none of their thirteen weeks at the top of the singles chart coincided with my birthday.

 

This is a good thread idea and I will try and keep up with it.

 

I like Ride On Time for being one of the turn of the decade defining songs - it just screams 'welcome to the the 90s'.

 

Diddy-di-da-da. Saturday Night I really liked when I was younger but perhaps not quite so much now.

Edited July 24, 20205 yr by The Snake

Saturday Night peaked at 39 in my charts, which is about right - a bit of fluffy fun as long as you dont hear it too often :lol:

 

My chart-topper for your birthday was Yesterday When I Was Mad (Pet Shop Boys). I feel sure you would have preferred that :lol:

I love both of those oops :kink: Hopefully there will be some I like a bit higher up the countdown!

Saturday Night peaked at 39 in my charts, which is about right - a bit of fluffy fun as long as you dont hear it too often :lol:

 

My chart-topper for your birthday was Yesterday When I Was Mad (Pet Shop Boys). I feel sure you would have preferred that :lol:

Yes, that would have been a much better number one!

 

Most songs are fine as long as you don't hear them too often. With some songs, however, once is too often :lol:

I love both of those oops :kink: Hopefully there will be some I like a bit higher up the countdown!

There are still 58 to go so there are bound to be some you like :lol:

i've just cheated and looked up your birthday number ones, for the most part its a pretty good bunch until the 90's and the 00's. I expect those decades to be hammered early.... :lol:

 

I wouldn't want to ruin it for you so I won't pre-judge, but on the topic of songs getting played till you can't stand them any more, cough, 1997, cough! :lol: There's a few novelty ones though which could elbow that out of the way first. Oddly co-incidentally Saturday Night is on the radio right this very moment, quite enjoying it, and it's Beethoven compared to one of those novelty tracks - a previous now-sadly-dodgy chart-topper in 1975 :lol: