I've never heard such a forgettably bland #1 which was enough for higher points from me. What it deserved was a #37 and out chart run if anything cause that's what it feels more like to me.

Easily the most forgettable non #1 of all time. I listened to it again for the purposes of this and yet I couldn’t hum a bar of it.

 

That doesn’t necessarily make it the worst of all time though, I think it was roughly half way up my list which seems about right.

Ive always liked the Peter Andre song, I'd say inoffensively forgettable is about right. I've already forgotten that one-week charity wonder and remember it even less than Andre's (which peaked at 3 on my personal chart of the time).

 

Robson & Jerome though were just production-line rubbish, unworthy to follow on from the mighty Righteous Brothers' Bobby Hatfield, still and always the best version of a song that spans the decades. I look forward to Drake doing a cover in about 20 years with autotune making even this version sound good.

The Peter Andre song really isn't that bad, is it. Yes it's a very typical 90s "boyband style" ballad which made no.1 on his name alone, but it isn't really one of the worst no.1s ever.

 

Don't get me started on Robson and Jerome... I hated everything they released.

'Wake Me Up' got 39 from me, I'm not a massive fan of the original song in the first place and this cover is just totally void of musical merit with the 'please, please, buy this record' being on the actual recorded version of the song being the cherry on top.

 

Robson & Jerome obviously pretty bad too. I am surprised Peter Andre is this high though (I gave it 23 points so it's around the same place I ranked it but I would have thought it'd get more people ranking it lowly for being merely boring rather than outright bad).

There has to be a point where a song is so bland it's actually offensive and I think I Feel You is a contender for that one x

 

The other two are atrocious covers - Robson and Jerome is pretty self-explanatory and made even worse by the classic songs they denied number 1 too, I can normally give charity songs a bye from these, but Wake Me Up is painful to listen to in places, Mel Giedroyc but she certainly should never sing again x

Both my wife and my wee scabby dug will soon be hauled away.

That’s why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can’t hear.

 

15th - D.I.V.O.R.C.E. - Billy Connolly

 

 

7th - 1952-1979 heat

 

Average score: 21.63

Highest score:

38 CJK

Lowest score:

3 Liamski689

 

Number 1 for a week in November 1975, this was the first of 4 Top 40 hits for the comedian, the others being “No Chance (No Charge)”, “In The Brownies” and “Super Gran”. This was a cover / parody of a 1968 American Number One by Tammy Whynette of the same name, in which she and her soon to be divorced husband spell out various words they don’t want their child to hear. Billy’s version replaces the child with a dog whose impending visit to the V.E.T. needs to be kept from him.

 

You might describe this situation as a sh*t sandwich with the finest artisan sourdough bread, as “D.I.V.O.R.C.E” knocked off “Space Oddity” and was knocked off by “Bohemian Rhapsody”! However the song and the comic element do make much more sense when you’ve listened to the original, though it’s still hardly an enjoyable piece of music. And can anyone tell me why “queer” is spelled Q.U.E.R?

'D.I.V.O.R.C.E.' isn't on Spotify (not complaining x) so when I am in the mood for a #1s marathon I live in an alternate universe where 'Space Oddity' and 'Bohemian Rhapsody' were back-to-back #1s :kink:

 

I agree with Chez that 'I Feel You' is so bland that it's to an offensive degree, I still can't remember how it goes. The only thing I recall is a painful high note at some point.

Billy's song is kinda OK but kinda pants. He is generally a good comedian but yeah maybe would've been best to leave it to just for his comedian shows rather than a chart single!

We’re tired of bragging about 40 odd years ago

We need a victory, quick, fast

 

14th - Shout - Shout For England / Dizzee Rascal / James Corden

 

 

4th, 2007-2022 heat

 

Average score: 21.77

Highest score:

38 jimwatts

Lowest score:

2 King Rollo

 

Number One for 2 weeks in June 2010, this blocked “Frisky” by Tinie Tempah featuring Labyrinth and the real football song of the summer, “Wavin’ Flag” by K’Naan. For Dizzee this was the 5th chart topper in less than 2 years, but it was the only time Corden or the mysterious ensemble of fans called Shout For England graced the charts. The song samples “No Diggity” by Blackstreet and obviously “Shout” by Tears For Fears.

 

Some chart toppers really are a time capsule - a time just 12 years ago when James Corden and Dizzee Rascal were so firmly in the nation’s hearts that they would lap up something as rubbish as this is quite hard to imagine now. They came and had a go because they thought they were hard enough, but in doing so produced our least favourite ever sporting chart topper.

And so, it’s starting to get serious as we close in on the Top 10. What do you think will be / want to be spared a Top 10 placing?

 

We will be saying goodbye to 2 more decades tomorrow!

Grandma to avoid top 10 here pls.

Edited November 8, 20222 yr by Roba!

Well at least one of St. Winifred's and Stargazers is going to miss the top 10* - I could maybe see both songs from the 2010s escaping, but not both from the 90s or 20s (and the 70s have 5 left so it won't be that). I was fine with most of what has dropped out for a while, but that Shout 'cover' was just garbage. Although that was fitting with how the England team performed in the adjacent tournament.

 

*assuming it's only 13-11 that's revealed tomorrow

Edited November 8, 20222 yr by jimwatts

Billy Connolly also having a hit with a cover of 'No Charge' sounds deeply cursed. 'D.I.V.O.R.C.E.' was my 37 pointer, I don't get the comedy.

 

'Shout' is naff but in a kind of fun way (also it's amusing remembering how badly we did that year x), would take it over 'Come On You Reds' any day.

I will lay me down

And high up above or down below

 

13th - A Bridge Over You - Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir

 

 

3rd - 2007-2022 heat

 

Average score: 22.03

Highest score:

39 gooddelta

Lowest score:

5 Liamski689, Suedehead2

 

Number 1 for a week at Christmas 2015 in a Top 5 dominated by Bieber (who had tweeted his support for the choir’s song), this had a charming run of 1-29-Out. It broke the record for a fall from #1 previously held by McFly, though of course that has since been surpassed several times including the 1-Out managed by Wham! After this there was a break in Christmas charity Number Ones until a certain artist still to come in this poll appeared. The Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir had previously appeared in Gareth Malone’s “Sing While You Work” series. They had already recorded this mash up of “Bridge Over Troubled Water” and “Fix You”, and in October a choir member and junior doctor launched a social media campaign for the Christmas #1. It only beat Bieber by 127k to 97k and so was the closest Christmas battle for a long time.

 

Is this one of the most ill conceived mashups ever? If they had just stuck with covering one of the two songs it would surely have just gone down as a well meaning and forgettable piece of chart history, but the jarring transitions between bits of the two songs do turn it into something of an abomination. Still this is not our highest placed NHS related number.

The start of this is alright but it gradually goes a bit mediocre from there. Not the worst of these types for me but I can see an argument for it being here. Maybe a tad high for it though.

It's still a lot better than a certain other mashup for charity that somehow didn't make the final :P

 

Seriously though that's firmly in 'not that bad' territory for me (gave it 18 points), doesn't deserve to be ahead of 'Wake Me Up'. It's kind of nice that Coldplay got a Christmas #1 of sorts even if not the most memorable take on it.

If it had just been a cover of Bridge Over Troubled Water I very much doubt it would even had made the Top/Bottom 100

It's for charity so I forgive it, and the 2 original songs are classics. I just wouldnt choose to listen to it again.

 

The football one Ive already forgotten and have only the vaguest of a memory of. I guess I didn't buy it, didn't play it, so didn't come across it enough to hate it (or even remember it).

 

Billy Connolly's though still haunts me. Loved Billy back in the day, he was on fire in 1975, sensationally appearing on Parkinson's chat show. He should have left the singing to old bandmate Gerry Rafferty though. Stuck In The Middle With You and Baker Street 2 absolute classics. I'll happily take Tammy Wynette's version over this, and that wasn't great to begin with, and yes I was annoyed at the Q word. It was rife as an insult at the time, usually with the f word in front of it, it wasn't an ironic reclaiming of an insulting word like it supposedly is now. And if it makes the original usage seem less of an insult to later generations then the whole ironic point of choosing it as a "new label" isn't helpful. I suspect the fab Billy probably regrets using it for comedic purposes and has chosen not to have it on Spotify! Should SO have been top 10, if not top 5.

 

 

If I was Lil Dicky in my body, where would I be?

I’m tryna find myself like an introspective monk

 

12th - Freaky Friday - Lil Dicky / Chris Brown

 

 

7th, 2007-2022 heat

 

Average score: 22.53

Highest score:

40 Mangø, Smint

Lowest score:

1 Mack

 

Number One for 1 week in April 2018, this was the 1st of only 2 UK hits for Lil Dicky, the other being “Earth” which reached #21. Buzzjack fave Chris Brown has had 19

Top 10 hits but only this and “Turn Up The Music” have reached the top, meaning 100% of his eligible material has reached this final. The song has a comic theme, with Lil Dicky and Chris Brown swapping bodies and the former playing the part of an emerging artist leading a relatively normal life and the latter playing, well, himself. Ed Sheeran, DJ Khaled and Kendall Jenner also make uncredited appearances as Lil Dicky goes body hopping.

 

To me this seems to be fundamentally lacking in the basics of what make a decent song such as a hummable melody and lyrics that actually scan, even setting aside what you might think of the theme. And sadly DJ Khaled’s moment of Epiphany in the song, “Why am I yelling?”, doesn’t seem to have stopped him continuing to do so on subsequent records.

 

And that’s it for the 2010s folks! I didn’t think they would be outlasted by the 1950s when we started this process.