28th - Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Binki - Bombularina

 

Average Score - 17.40

 

 

10th in 1980-1995 heat

 

Highest score - 37 (Mack)

 

Lowest Score - 2 (Danny)

 

#1 for 3 weeks from 25/08/90

 

Kept off #1 - Tom’s Diner (DNA / Suzanne Vega), Four Bacharach and David Songs [EP] (Deacon Blue)

 

“Oh yeah!”

 

“Itsy Bitsy…” initially entered the charts in July 1960 as performed by Brian Hyland of “Sealed with a Kiss” fame, but had only peaked at #8. It was written by Paul Vance and Lee Pockriss who had also penned the more subtle “Catch a Falling Star” for Perry Como. Thirty years later, Andrew Lloyd Webber had bet his wife that he could come up with a pop hit and approached Timmy Mallett (his real name) to cover the song (Bombularina being the name of a character in the musical “Cats”). The video features Gary Barlow’s future wife and seems to have all the production values of the record itself. Sadly for Mallett, a sustained career in Planet Pop was never going to happen as his only follow up, a cover of the Avons “Seven Little Girls Sitting in the Back Seat” only spent 4 weeks in the top 40 and peaked at #18 the following December. Nevertheless the former Wide Awake Club and Wacaday star is now an accomplished painter.

I need to confess that I bought that single :kink:

 

Or at least my parents bought it for my brother and I because we loved Timmy Mallet

I didn't mind that one too much tbh. Silly and slapstick but not worse than a lot of others. Although it was 20 points from me still as I wouldn't rank it down low either haha.

Edited November 4, 20222 yr by Roba!

Out of the songs I don't think are really that bad, that is the closest to being bad. It's a bit tacky but catchy enough to just get a pass x

27th - Wishing On a Star - X Factor Finalists

 

Average Score - 17.60

 

 

6th in 1996 to 2006 heat

 

Highest Score - 31 (Mack, Jimwatts)

 

Lowest Score - 4 (Detonate)

 

#1 for 1 week from 10/12/11

 

Kept off #1 - N/A

 

“Woo! JLS! 1D!”

 

The fourth and final X Factor group single to reach #1, this was a cover of Rose Royce’s #3 hit from 1978. Previous charting covers had come from The Cover Girls (#38, 1992), 88.3 / Lisa May (#61, 1995), Jay-Z and original vocalist Gwen Dickey (#13, 1998), and Paul Weller (#11, 2004). Featuring not only contributions from the newly named Little Mix but an uncredited and not at all shoehorned-in cameo from previous charttoppers and X Factor graduates JLS and One Direction, the record knocked Rihanna and Calvin Harris off the top spot, but became the first X Factor ensemble to fail to sell 100,000 copies in its first week, despite proceeds going to Together for Short Lives. Furthermore, Little Mix would be the only alumni from 2011 to secure top spot in their own right, although Amelia Lily would bag a #2

Edited November 4, 20222 yr by chartjack2

JLS and 1D were credited on it though! (For their very necessary contribution ofc)

I adored Itsy Bitsy, it was one of my toddler faves, and I loved singing along to it. I'm talking about the charming Brian Hyland version of course, when bikinis were a new novelty thing, not the hyperactive annoying 80's cover. As annoying as Timmy Mallet was on TV. Great for pre-school kids, though, colourful and flashy with a lot of noise.

 

Rose Royce's Wishing On A Star is drop dead gorgeous. Any cover of a Rose Royce record is pointless and unnecessary and must suffer any consequences, with the exception of the sample used for S-Express, which was almost as brilliant as the original :wub:

 

“It’s erotic, exotic, hypnotic that’s for sure”

 

26th - It’s Chico Time - Chico

 

 

8th - 1996-2006 heat

 

Average score: 17.90

Highest score:

35 Dan, DJ Cheeky Magpie, Liamski689

Lowest score:

1 Jade

 

Number 1 for 2 weeks in March 2006, this blocked “Beep” by the Pussycat Dolls featuring will.I.am, denying the dolls a hat trick of chart toppers with their first 3 releases. In its 3rd week it was narrowly knocked off by Orson’s “No Tomorrow” with what remains the lowest weekly sale for a Number One in history.

 

Yousseph “Chico” Slimani reached the X Factor quarter finals in 2005, and was one of those contestants whose charisma well exceeded his vocal ability. He followed up “It’s Chico Time” with a cover of “D.I.S.C.O.” (#24) and the delightful sounding “Curvy Cola Bottle Body” which only reached #45 despite the Osbournes appearing in the video. Then he inevitably joined Butlins.

 

And so yet another noughties novelty hit drops out - only 1 song from the whole decade left!

“Meet me in the corner where nobody else can see”

 

25th - The Club Is Alive - JLS

 

 

8th - 2007-2022 heat

 

Average score: 18.40

Highest score:

40 Chez Wombat, Roba

Lowest score:

1 coi, CJK

 

Number One for a week in July 2010 before sliding to #7 the following week, this was the 3rd of JLS’ 6 chart toppers (including “Wishing On A Star” which this narrowly beats in the awful rankings). It came in the height of the first week peaking download era. The “Sound Of Music” sampling song was intended for Flo Rida who declined it.

 

An imaginative and audacious idea or an auto tuned abomination? Certainly the incredibly raunchy number could hardly contrast more with the song it samples. With 2 scores at each extreme there is clearly some polarisation of opinion, but this is officially our least favourite boyband chart topper.

Go Chico, go Chico, go Chico, go :cheeseblock:

Why are we being disrespectful to Chico :'( It was Buzzjack's Birthday number 1 and all x

 

Solid position for my 40 pointer given how forgotten it seems to be. Honestly, a lot of songs could've got my 40 but I really cannot understand the appeal of that one at all, there is nothing redeeming musically - it's soulless, unoriginal, overly autotuned so sounds hideous and the sample is beyond shoehorned, and makes no sense as they don't do anything with it - at least with The Time (Dirty Bit) awful as it is, they used the sample to play into the song a little more, it makes that look genius by comparison. Shame it got to number 1 purely on name power, but its chart run was amusing at least. Flo Rida declining it says it all x

A sample so hideous it was declined by Flo Rida, the man who brought us 'Sugar' :lol:

 

 

“You thought you could really make me moan

I had better sex all alone”

 

24th - Frankee - F.U.R.B. (F U Right Back)

 

 

4th, 1996-2006 heat

 

Average score: 18.80

Highest score:

38 Mack, Smint

Lowest score:

2 AH Gold, Dan, Alex!, detonate, Roba

 

Number 1 for 3 weeks in May / June 2004 immediately following a 4 week stint by the Eamon original, this held off “Trick Me” by Kelis. Unsurprisingly this was the only hit for Frankee AKA Nicole Francine Aiello, not that her non-ex Eamon did that much better with his own follow ups.

 

I ranked this in my top 5. I think the original is a horrid song to start with and it’s an unpleasant concept with unpleasant lyrics, but clearly some of you quite like it.

 

And that’s bye bye to the noughties folks! 275 chart toppers over the decade but none of them bad enough to make our Top 20.

I did not know that factoid aboit 'The Club Is Alive' being turned down by Flo Rida but it makes a lot of sense haha. As I've said a few times 'The Club Is Alive' is just such an audaciously bad idea that I can't help but kind of respect it, I hope that was the attitude they had to it themselves rather than earnestly thinking it was a good song x (I am surprised it's finished so low here though, thought it might be a top 10 contender!)

 

Chico is an icon too obvz (and I actually think it is a pretty good song).

 

edit: and ah there's Frankee, that's the one that was in my top 10 (33 points) that I expected to drop out first and indeed it has, but it's higher than I thought it might be at least considering it does have its defenders! Eamon version is still worse but the entire Eamon/Frankee saga is really best forgotten x

“At the corner drugstore

Each Saturday we would meet”

 

23rd - Pat Boone - I’ll Be Home

 

 

9th, 1952-1979 heat

 

Average score: 19.20

Highest score:

36 CJK

Lowest score:

6 dandy

 

What’s this I see? Finally a pre 1980 song.

Number 1 for 5 weeks in June / July 1956 and the biggest seller of the year, this held off “Lost John” / “Stewball” by Lonnie Donegan and the “All Star Hit Parade” EP by various artists (nope me neither). Pat Boone had more than 20 Top 20 hits over a 7 year period but this was the only time he hit the top.

 

Most 1950s chart toppers competently sung and well established ballads, but this one really stands out for its extraordinary dreariness. And then there’s the spoken part where he reads out a terribly uninspiring letter to his loved one. Still there’s a worse representative from the decade to come of course.

That was my lowest placed of the pre-1980 songs so can't complain at that (though it was still nearly in my top half overall :lol:) - it is a complete snoozefest (and perhaps am partly motivated to dislike it more than other similar snoozefests due to Googling Pat Boone and discovering he has some pretty unpleasant political views) but certainly much worse from the earlier years indeed.

In the case of The Club is Alive, I would say it isn't bad, but it was bad for them.

 

I still think it's a bit of a banger.

24th - Frankee - F.U.R.B. (F U Right Back)

Number 1 for 3 weeks in May / June 2004 immediately following a 4 week stint by the Eamon original, this held off “Trick Me” by Kelis. Unsurprisingly this was the only hit for Frankee AKA Nicole Francine Aiello, not that her non-ex Eamon did that much better with his own follow ups.

 

I ranked this in my top 5. I think the original is a horrid song to start with and it’s an unpleasant concept with unpleasant lyrics, but clearly some of you quite like it.

 

And that’s bye bye to the noughties folks! 275 chart toppers over the decade but none of them bad enough to make our Top 20.

 

The best answer-back record of 2004 was “You Should Really Know” by Shola Ama/Pirates. Frankee's can get in the bin (along with Eamon). An AWFUL seven weeks of chart to endure back in '04.

I stand by that FURB is genuinely good and it makes me scream that she never even knew Eamon at all yet claimed to be her ex :')

 

So many iconic moments from one song "I must admit I'm glad, I didn't catch your crabs" "you made me do this" "your sex was whack". I stan.

The best answer-back record of 2004 was “You Should Really Know” by Shola Ama/Pirates. Frankee's can get in the bin (along with Eamon). An AWFUL seven weeks of chart to endure back in '04.

 

THIS!

 

Somewhere in a better reality, Mario & Shola Ama took turns at #1 for 7 consecutive weeks.